You do..all the time...all your lives...you give in to this innate desire to give. Times much more that what is deserved, much more than what your intelligence is telling you to...you give. This probably is the sole reason why you come across this disillusionment...and suddenly you wake upto reality and find nothing but ashes in the palm of your hand...for what's burnt out is so much deeper than your dreams, your ambitions, the commitments...what's burnt out is your soul, your own creative spirit.
Its when this awakening happens you realise that regardless of what you desired you have no way of going forward onto the path that you had believed yourself or were led to believe, was your path...the darkness that then descends onto your thinking feeling self is what your instincts were warning you about. And yet this unwavering faith in the world or your own capacty to deal with it makes you keep at it. For years. What you're then left questioning thereon is your own faith...wonder if it was worth it...wonder if this faith was ever so deserving.
You look back at the moments of being beaten up, physically as well as emotionally and you look at the burn scars that have marred your physical self as well as your soul and realise that the burn mark you carry on your being, is no badge of honour, no guarantee of everlasting devotion...its merely a mark of what you as a human being had given up wilfully. The physical scars often hurt...even years after they have been bestowed upon you...and the pain then seeps through your being, especially so in those dark moments when the embers are burning through the palm of your hand. You tend to give not because it is your damned duty to or that you were expected to...but because you chose to do it this way...again the damn faith :)....until the embers begin to hurt...so much that you jerk away your hand and run to find what truly belongs to you...your soul, your own spirit.
That's a dark journey for there is no illuminati there to guide you through that path, no super heroes there protecting you, saving you, often times even from your self...its a lonely journey. But somewhere deep down in your heart you know you have the strength to take it on...
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