Crushing

fluttering

times your heart is simply bursting
there is a physical and an emotional channel
that's ready to burst open
as you wait for it to do so
and to hear the gushing waters flow out
as you wait to feel the life
as the waters rush past you
engulfing you in its mirth
in its dance of life
of abundance
of joy

Be it as you devour the last few pages of a good book
or are climaxing towards the end of a movie you spent
a good three hours watching

a love story in real life, just taking form
or a painting that you spent days, months creating
and you stroke in the last dash of color
or politics...when you feel it within your being
that something in the air is changing
the romance of newness...of life...

Ah !! That's a moment worth living
worth waiting for
each time...every time

a moment
of hope

hold on...

'times life is on a whirl...
a roller coaster it seems
you may scream you may cry
but then it goes on and on seemingly
on a time band that's end less

hold on...

for when the ride's through and you
step out of the protective cabin
you know it was worth it
you love the rush that's still gurgling in your stomach
well, that's what life's all about
a roller coaster ride
with God protecting you
with gear of warmth and light and hope
through all the ups and the swooshing downs
and all you can do...is

hold on.

Choice...My Choice

Every morning dawns with innumerable choices…and each choice…I make. Each moment is not just a measure of time, it’s also a choice and it is I who makes the choice. I wish to wake up now or sleep more, I want to eat or not, what do I do with my day today, I work or paint or write, what do I pack for my child’s lunch…innumerable choices and each one, I make. Above all is the choice of whether I spend the day smiling or surrounded by regrets…it’s a choice, and like all the rest, I make it.

It’s not my circumstances that make me happy or sad, I do. It’s not the people around me, that make me happy or sad, I make myself happy or if I so wish, sad.

I allow my circumstances to decide or those I love, to decide what my day will be like, or my life…I choose to do so…then why blame them or even life for a choice I made? It was never in their hands to do so, I handed it over to them willfully…the right to make my day…my life, brighter or clouded with pain…I allowed them the right to sketch out my destiny. Until one day I realize, the image that I see is not the picture I wished for me…with ink and colour spattered over ruthlessly. Then, I cry…but there again I have a choice, right there…do I cry or do I walk…never easy I know, you’d say ,but that’s where I beg to differ…for I make a choice…I ask for help…I ask God to take me in his grace again…and that’s the counsel that never fails…I choose to walk with God by my side and hope and love…and light…

I pick up the paint brush and pour white all over the ruins that were painted by another, ruins that were my life…I pray and believe in the power of love and light and start again…I paint my own painting…with a myriad of colours, all those I choose…and slowly, very very slowly, I see my image appearing…an image, a painting, a life I choose…there will be faint remnants of the ugly ink and the pain it brought onto my canvas, yeah it still shows through at some place, at moments…but my image is strong and colorful and powerful…so slowly, very slowly the colors of the image I chose others to paint for me, fade away…I no longer see them…all I see is my own painting…colorful…bright and cheerful…happy and peaceful…I choose to smile back at it, surrounded with love and light.

I make the choice to smile at my life…and slowly, very slowly but surely so, life smiles back at me.

Devastation

Maybe it's karma
Maybe... it's time
time to let go
of the shadows that were
holding you captive...still...
the lurking energies of the past...

Maybe it's time
to step out of the warmth of the familiar
and to stand outside in the
light of this drizzling rain

Maybe...
It's time to start over
to harness once again the blessings and the goodness
to step inside...your heart and your soul

To smile...
To dance to the music of the
Silent chords...

Where have all the sparrows gone ?

Recently I re-discovered the joy of feeding birds every morning like I used to, a few years back…each morning the tiny winged lovelies now flock to my balcony waiting for me to put out the grain…what joy !! It’s almost meditative to sip a cup of hot tea while sitting in my bed watching these birds and a lot of squirrels picking on one grain after another….mechanically…persistently…they just keep pecking.

Some fight (Oh so human) and wouldn’t let the others eat and in the process miss out on eating time themselves too J. Some, like a pair of parrots I see quietly just eating ..always together…sheer joy they are to watch. They take a break to go sip on the water that I have kept there…and then back to collecting more food in their beaks.

I have, along with the squirrels a lot of pigeons, mynahs, doves, a pair of white doves and some exotic little birds whose names I don’t know and together they are a joy to watch but sadly I find the little brown sparrows missing…completely. Not one.  Having been born and brought up in the city I have always had sparrows around me…in my garden, on the windows and merrily chirping away even inside our homes. I suddenly miss them.

I have read about the environmentalists over the past few years talking about almost a 50% drop in the population of sparrows in the city of Delhi but never really bothered about it. Today when it has become so very obvious to me…it is bothering me. I am surrounded by huge trees…have them in plenty and always thought I could hear them chirp but where are they ?

The reasons we are all aware of but still I list a few of them here…

Architectural changes:

Sparrows do not make their nests in trees…earlier they used to breed in our houses, the sun shades, the windows. The urban city scape doesn’t offer them that space any more…the apartments are tightly sealed leading to a lack of safe space to nest in.

Groceries to Supermarkets

A website explains that earlier food grain used to be stored and transported in gunny bags and some would spill…they fed on that. With super markets taking over that avenue is also closed for these tiny birds.

Mobile Radiations

The scientists who are trying to unravel the cause of Sparrow’s disappearance have identified a new culprit: the mobile phone. Studies have warned about the effects of these mobile radiations on reproduction and fertility of eggs. Animals navigate by the Earth's magnetic fields and these waves can disturb a bird's ability to find their way around.

Unleaded Petrol and Insecticides

The extensive use of pesticides and insecticides in our farms and gardens have created a scarcity of insects. The unleaded fuel, believed to be eco-friendly, has harmful byproducts. Though adult sparrows can survive without insects being a part of diet, they need these to feed their young ones, and hence, the infant mortality rate of sparrows has gone up.

Pigeons, Crow and other big Birds Population

Religious beliefs encourage feeding of a particular species of birds and therefore, the birds like crows and pigeons have outnumbered small birds. These birds dominantly occupy the feeding and nesting sites. And they have scared off our tiny winged friend and companion.

Some news articles over the past two to three years have mentioned that the bird has been spotted in pockets in Delhi…some colonies still have them…under some fly overs they have been spotted…but they seem to be fast declining and that is sad.

The only thing I see we can do is…if we spot any around our houses…we feed them. Put out some drinking water for them especially in the scorching heat of Delhi summers. That is one good deed one can do and get so much joy every morning. Also if there are some around you…take the trouble of putting up a bird house in your balcony, on your terrace…give them a home to come back to.

 Infact in 2010 the government also made the sparrow the bird of the State of Delhi.

I’d love to hear them sing here again…

i don't know how to pray

I don’t know how to pray to God…never followed the rituals…never had any discipline…never read the scriptures…all I do is talk to him…have found him to be my closest friend, one who loves me unconditionally, one who can tell me what to do and what not do, one who holds me when I am down…one who is very very close at hand…
ot a party gate crasher until I force Him to gatecrash :-). (And that is when I am about to crash myself). He waited quietly, very quietly for me to open the doors and the moment I did, He walked right in…that’s all that God does…He waits…very patiently until we open the door. Then onwards he stays…

I don't know how to pray...i just love Him.

been a while

Its been a long while...i guess so much has happened in these past couple of years that perhaps words also fell short somewhere...have decided to come back to finding the missing links and the words and phrases...some tough and some that were fun...some that were very hard lessons and some that were merely this Universe's way of blessing me !! So yeah about time i touched base....so here i am :-)

Toota hua chaand

Toota hua chaand aaj phir latka hai neele aasmaan par
Sochta hoga phir koi apne maathe ki bindiya mein chupa le
To poora ho jaaun main

Koi is parchaayeen ko apne narm haathon se mita de 
To poora ho jaaun main 
Koi ashq bhi hai jo chamakta hai aaj chaandni mein
Yeh ashq koi ponch de 
To poora ho jaaun main 

Roshni bhi maddham si hoti lagti hai
Koi pyaar se muskuraa de 
To poora ho jaaun main… 

Yeh toota hua chaand aaj phir poora hone ke khwaab dekhta hai
Dil mein aata hai keh dun usse 
Abhi kuch waqt hai shaayad
Maathe ki bindiyaa bhi chamkegi ik roze 
Parchaayeeyaan bhi mit jaayengi 
Woh ashq bhi muskuraayega ik roz
Pooraa hoga yeh chaand bhi 
Bas kuch waqt hai shaayad.

gar main kar sakti

Gar main kar sakti to meri jaan main yeh zaroor karti
Chupke se tere camera ke lens mein jaa baithti
Wo har manzar jo tu dekhta hai
Usse main bhi dekhti
Berang raaston ko apni mohabbat ke rang mein rang deti
Phoolon mein titliyon ko ghar deti
Hawaaon ko roop deti
Teri har tasweer ke rang chupkar badal deti
Phir teri jhunjhulaahat pe zaar zaar hansti
Teri ungaliyon ko choomti
Aur jab bhi woh camera tu uthaata
main tere haath ko daanton mein dabaa leti
kabhi kabhi jab tu nazaaron ko ghol ke pee raha hota
to tere chehre ko door se dekh choom leti
phir haule se hawaa ban kar tere baalon ko bikher deti
tere gaalon pe apne hothon ki namin chorh deti
teri aankhon ko apni ungaliyon se band kar sehlaati
gar main kar sakti to meri jaan main yeh zaroor karti
teri har tasveer ka rang chupkar badal deti
phir teri jhunjhulaahat pe zaar zaar hansti

wo ek lamha

Raat ko berehmi se cheerta hai
Mere dil ko aksar dabe paon aakar sawaal karta hai
Meri aankhon ko bewajaha rulaata hai
Mere lafzon ko yun udaasi ki chaadar peehnaata hai
Mere haathon ki lakeeron ko rangta hai
Kabhi haule se muskuraata hai
Kabhi chirhiyon ki chehchahahat ban
Aasmaan mein urhta hai
Kabhi phoolon ki khushboo saa mere seene mein ghar karta hai
Kabhi aayeena ban chup chaap mujhe dekhta hai
Phir raat ke sannate mein ghul jaata hai
Chaand ki chaandni sa chamakta hai
To sooraj ki garm lau mein pighalta hai
Dabe paaon meri chooriyon ki khan khan mein chup jaata hai

Wo tere jaane ka ek lamha.

waqt ke do kinaare

Waqt ke do kinaaron par chalte rahe
Aap bhi aur hum bhi
Yeh aur baat hai ki dilon ko faaslon ka ehsaas na hua
Badi muddat ke baad jo intekhaab hua
To yeh jaana, ki waqt ka dariya to kab ka sookh gaya
Na us paar aap the na is paar hum.

Har lamha teri jaanib hi guzra tha
Har dhdhkan jo tere dil se guzri thi
Mujhe bhi sanson ka pehraava, wahi diye jaati thi
Tujhe yaad kiya ho yeh yaad nahin aata
‘Falak’ ko rooh ka andaaz nahin aata

Ab yeh thehra hai
Ki yaad ab bhi nahin karte tumko
Bas is dil ki dhadkan ko mere dil mein,
akele dhadakna nahi aata
‘Falak’ ko rooh ka andaaz nahin aata.

dated : 3.9.2010

sehar

Sehar machalti hui, bund dareechon se aajaati hai
Khilkhilaati hui…
Phoolon ko rang deti hai
Sooraj mein roshni bharti hai
Meri aankhon ke khwaabon ko
Barhe pyaar se alvida kehti hai
Sehar machalti hui, bund dareechon se aajaati hai
Meri alsaayi baahon mein angraayeeyan leti hai
Meri dhadkan ka haath thaam kar, phir tera intezaar karti hai

Din bhar yunhi athkheliyaan karti hai
Rangon se mere jaagte sapnon ko sajaati hai
Mere ashkon ko teri mohabbat ki shiddat se ponchti hai
Mere udaas mun ko teri yaadon se bhar deti hai
Sehar jab chup chaap bund dareechon se aajaati hai

Saath saath chalti hai, mera haath thaame hue
Aur jab sham ka sunehra aanchal haule se dhalne lagta hai
Mere gaalon ko choomti hai
Meri aankhon mein teri tasveer chorh jaati hai
sham bhar main ussi tasveer ko nihaarti rehti hun
Teri aankhon mein khud ko dhaalti rehti hun
Ek aansoo jab anjaane mein beh jaata hai
Sham ke aanchal mein na umeedi ka chehra nazar aata hai
Phir main us sehar ka intezaar karti hun
Jo saath mere, tera intezaar karti hai
Jo har lamha, mere dil ko teri chaahat ke rangon se bharti hai

Sehar jab chupchaap bund dareechon se aajaati hai…


dated : 6.9.2010

ek awaara khayal

do aankhen hain, jo muddat se soyee nahin
ek aarzoo hai, jo aangan mein jhoolti rehti hai
ek dhadhkan...kabhi machalti hai to kabhi sehami si thehar jaati hai
har pal, yunhi ckokhat pe intezaar karta hai tera

...pattiyon ki sarsaraahat mein
teri bheeni si mehak chupaa rakhi hai
apne baalon mein tere choone ka ehsaas,
aaj bhi banaa rakha hai
ek khwaab hai, jisse intekhaab hai tera
ek haath hai, jo aaj bhi tere haath ko thaame hai

ek muskuraahat, jo labon pe thehri hai
ek ummeed, jo dil ki dhadhkan ko baandhe hai
ab isse mohabbat kehlo, ya phir, mera
ek awaara khayaal...

dated : August 2010

my prayer

I close my eyes and the noise of the city gently fades away…Its so quiet..and yeah I walk by myself but am not alone, this solitude is beautiful…my body feels so light I feel I’ve got wings with the knowledge that I can fly…I can take flight whenever I want to…nothing binding me…no chains holding me back…no one telling me I can’t…

I walk through green fields with beautiful flowers, in the most amazing colors. They turn their heads up to smile at me as I glide past… The chirping birds carry the colors high into the horizon and sprinkle them into the skies and they all scramble to form the most beautiful rainbow I ever lay my eyes on. I reach out and hold it in my hands…until the soft whispering wind blows away the sparkling shining colors and sprinkles it all over the valley…the flowers bloom again…and I smile at them…I hear soft strains of music spreading through this valley…gentle strumming of a guitar and a voice singing… a language that I do not follow but understand… I hear the gurgle of children, the rustle of the leaves, the sound of bouncing balls and the cackle that follows…

I walk through the valley, slowly breathing in the fragrance of trees and birds and flowers as the sun warms my body and I feel the warmth holding me in its embrace…I reach the very top and look down at the hustle and bustle of a place that breathes…the city looks beautiful and the people so loving…laughing, playing, at places there’s smoke coming off a kitchen chimney…

The breeze ruffles my hair, the birds settle down around me, I kneel down and spread my arms wide open, i look up at the clear skies and thank the ever loving God…

aisa taana bun de koi

Ek julaaha dhoond rahi hun
Aisa taana bun de koi
Kaprha itna buntaa jaaye
Har chauraahe pe palte
har bachche ko woh dhakta jaaye
Har ablaa ke daaman ko woh
Malmal kaa ehsaas dilaaye
Aisa taana bun de koi

Aaj lagtaa hai barsega baadal
Yun zor zor se garaj raha hai
Bhigo jaayega shehar ka daaman
Tapkegi chhat bhi iss baar
Daaman ko paiband lagaa tha
Chhat ko tukrha taank de koi
Aisa taana bun de koi
Ek julaaha dhoondh rahi hun

Bhool bhulaiyya banaa hai ghar bhi
kitne andhe ho gaye raste
Kahan se niklega ab sooraj
Uska rastaa banaa de koi
Kho gayi hai ab kehkashaan bhi
Taaron ki chamak dhundhli si hai
Raat ko rastaa dikha de koi
Aisa taana bun de koi
Bas ek julaaha dhoondh rahi hun.

Ghar mein chulhe ki garmi ho
Roti dal ki bikhri ho khushboo
Har aangan mein dhoop khili ho
Aankhon mein ek khwaab chamakta
Parhne jaayegi bachchi bhi ab
Ik baar yakin dila de koi
Aisa taana bun de koi
Bas ek julaaha dhoond rahi hun…

ek naya khel

Chalo aaj ek naya khel khelen
Raat aur din ke katghare se
Kaaynaat ko baahar nikalen
Khuli hawaaon mein saans lene ki ijaazat de den
Phoolon ko bahaaron ka ab intezaar naa ho
Khizaaon ko khushbuon se mehkaayen
Nadiyon ke paani ko
Garmi ke sookhe mein , ab lehraane den
Aao,aaj ek naya khel khelen

Sooraj ko chand taaron ke aangan mein
Aaj chod den
Uski roshni ko behijaab,
taaron mein baant den
Ufuk ko din – o – raat ki
aaj koi bandhish naa lagaayen
Kaus-e-kuzaah ko saawan ki dor se
aaj azad kar den

Chalo, hum tum aaj ek naya khel khelen

falak

berang raaston par
bikhre phoolon ko sameta usne
khoye hue alfaazon ko nazmon mein piroyaa
hathon mein hina ki laali sajaayee
benoor aankhon ko
khwaab dekhne ka hunar phir sikhaaya usne
meri tasveeron mein rang bharaa
mere ashkon ko, motiyon sa
apne dil ke taaron mein piroyaa

mere kaanpte badan ko
ek sunehri chadar urhaayi
aur haule se mujhe awaaz di...

...falak...

baghbaan

Khamosh sa kharha
sannate bhare aankhon mein
woh takta raha
girte hue patton ko
phoolon ko chod jaate hue rangon ko
haath barhaata to rok sakta tha
urh ke jaate hue parindon ko
magar woh khamosh sa kharha
unhen takta hi raha

shahar ka shor-o-gul
gum ho chala tha
sooraj ki roshni bhi
madham si ho rahi thi
phool patton ki cheekhen
parindon ki pukaarti aahen
uske dil ko tatolti rahin
magar woh khaamosh sa kharha
unhen takta hi raha

shaayad sannata kahin
uski rooh mein utar gaya
woh baghbaan khud hi
aaj murjha saa gaya

ek khayal

Ek khayal jo har pal mere saath chalta hai
Meri tasveeron mein kabhi rang ban kar ubharta hai
Kabhi mere geeton mein alfaaz ban jaata hai
Mere hothon par hansi ban khilta hai
Kabhi meri aankhon mein namin ban kar behne lagta hai
Phir sajde mein dua ban kar thehar jaata hai
Ek khayal jo har pal mere saath chalta hai

Meri zindagi mein mera kaam ban kar
Mere hathon mein lakiren ban kar dikhta hai
Woh khayal jo sahar hone par sooraj ki kirnon saa
Aur raat dhalne par chaand ki chandni saa chamakta hai
Ek khayal jo har pal mere saath chalta hai

Sarhak kinare bachche ki bolti aankhon se jhankta hai
Pattiyon ki sarsarahat ban kar kuch keh jaata hai
Phoolon mein khushboo ban kar
Berang raaston ko mehkaata hai

Ek khayaal jo har pal mere saath chalta hai…

raat ka safar

kal raat chaand ko dekha tha
kabhi meri chhat pe
kabhi meri munder pe aa baithta tha
kabhi kissi aur ki...

athkeliyan kar raha tha
yaa phir dhund raha tha kissi ko...
adhoora sa

dheere se ufuk par laal roshni si chaa gayi
chupke se sooraj nikla aur
woh chaand usme saman gaya

har taraf ek garm...narm si dhoop khil uthi
sunehri chaadar si orh li
is duniya nein

raat ka safar poora ho gaya
woh chaand chup chaap sunehre sooraj ke gode mein saman gaya
raat ka safar poora hua...