Spirit i'm kindered to

they tell me that i'm wrong
by standards they set themselves
they tell me i'm vicious and they tell me i need to be strong
they tell me i need to hold onto the values that i brought along

they tell me how to live each day
and they tell me, that for a sinner, im easy prey

i've heard them talk all my life
and still i ne'r did refrain
from doing the one best thing i knew
- living for those that i choose
people, work, values and more.....


i have lived my life with the desire to be just me
to the perfected core
regardless of their ire
i've lived it to be human that the Creator meant me to be
i've lived to not hear them speak
but to create a verse of my own....

for long now i have lived so quiet
i gave in to feel i need to try
for i believed in the hope that someday they'll know
i lived in the hope that soon they'll figure it out.

today, as i bask in the glory of the shining sun
and as i walk thru the pelting rain
i feel the power of the winds that can blow away
i feel the power of the sun to annihilate
and the rain to wash away...

that's the power i feel under the skin
that's the fire that burns thru my soul
the power that holds me within
that's the spirit i'm kindered to...

for thats the only spirit i would graciously,
surrender to.

How precious am I?

How precious are you? How do you get to know that…how important am I to the one person who is most precious to me? That’s the simplest one to my mind now, well, now that I know the difference…

Remember how carefully locked away you keep that one rock of a diamond that you saved up all your life to buy? Or that gadget that you bought online after very careful consideration or that camera that you asked a million friends, even posted a query on facebook to check if you’re buying the right thing…and that crystal that you never let your nails touch for fear of scratching it? You carefully wipe the dust off the crystal and enjoy the light shining through it in all its multi colored hues…this makes you smile to yourself…and if you’ve been blessed…when you held your new born for the first time and each time you hold her…you hold her ever so gently. And, your heart skips a beat when someone asks to hold her while you finish up your chores…you wrap her up in the softest of sheets so her skin does not touch anything any less…you hold her so gently…warm in your arms…you run your fingers on her soft body as she gurgles…as you massage her soft skin with the most gentle of oils off the market shelf…that’s the memory that becomes a part of your soul...

And then you go through life with its many twists and turns…relationships, bitter - sweet, memories that make you cry…make you smile…and every time your life takes a turn, the question how precious am i?

If you value a crystal, a book that’s a classic or a painting that you created years ago with such care then how can you treat your love otherwise? If you’ve gone through life looking for that one soul that’s part of your being and the one person whose memory makes you smile at how she does the little things that she knows would make you happy…if all she wants is to be in your arms…is not looking for any tall promises…not looking for any big dreams…when all her world is right there in your arms…the moment you walk into her home her life…it’s almost as her world shrinks into that tiny little cottage…then how can you treat her otherwise? Why wouldn’t you hold her gently in your arms and want to protect her from the dust and the grime? Why wouldn’t you love her like she is the most precious thing on this earth to you? Would you ever in your worst moments be able to damage her being, be it physically or emotionally? Wouldn’t you do all in your power to preserve that spirit that makes yours soar? Wouldn’t you hold her and touch her ever so gently so her skin doesn’t get scathed? Wouldn’t you run your hands on her body with as much reverence as you feel when you’re standing in the rain getting cleansed and your soul released…as you see the tiny droplets of dew slipping off a new born leaf?

That’s the only way I know how precious I am to the one soul that I belong to…emotionally and physically…when I feel preserved and protected…when I am not scared of a scar that will keep haunting me for the rest of my life…that’s how precious I am…that’s how I know...the difference.

Rage is Creative

Rage…a word that so far I have associated with a hugely negative feeling…a feeling that I was, till a while back totally unfamiliar with…being someone who’s always chosen to walk the path of least resistance. Rage was always a feeling of unmanageable emotion that was so harsh and so unpleasant that I didn’t want to ever acknowledge it. But I do know I always carried it inside of me.

Rage against whatever I saw around me…rage against the people who decided they knew how to run my life better than I did…rage that ran so deep in my soul that it was perhaps somewhere digging in my own spirit, my own thoughts and feelings.

Today however I have come to a point where I realize that rage is one of the most precious and the most misunderstood emotions that I could ever feel…it’s important to be able to feel strongly about certain things in life…to be able to do something about them…and this too, is an extremely logical step by step process wherein we can actually utilize this rage and turn it into a creative process…

Rage is creative. However, before it can create, we have to learn to forego which we do, when we learn to acknowledge that which makes us so angry and let it go…then forgive those elements and people. Forgiveness itself is a cleansing experience…it releases energies that are softening…humbling and it is after forgiveness we find that the rage that was uptil then burning up our soul, is actually creative.

I believe that our masterpieces are created out of the darkest moments of our lives. And they thence turn the misery of those moments into bitter sweet yet treasured memories. The poetry and the painting or the music that erupts from the soul in such times, lends itself into renditions that are heart wrenching ….renditions that tear open our soul to create…for it is important to bare the soul to be able to create and these creations are priceless.

Rage, I have learnt is the one emotion that does not lie provided we have the courage to acknowledge it for what it is...

burn marks or a badge of honour

You do..all the time...all your lives...you give in to this innate desire to give. Times much more that what is deserved, much more than what your intelligence is telling you to...you give. This probably is the sole reason why you come across this disillusionment...and suddenly you wake upto reality and find nothing but ashes in the palm of your hand...for what's burnt out is so much deeper than your dreams, your ambitions, the commitments...what's burnt out is your soul, your own creative spirit.

Its when this awakening happens you realise that regardless of what you desired you have no way of going forward onto the path that you had believed yourself or were led to believe, was your path...the darkness that then descends onto your thinking feeling self is what your instincts were warning you about. And yet this unwavering faith in the world or your own capacty to deal with it makes you keep at it. For years. What you're then left questioning thereon is your own faith...wonder if it was worth it...wonder if this faith was ever so deserving.

You look back at the moments of being beaten up, physically as well as emotionally and you look at the burn scars that have marred your physical self as well as your soul and realise that the burn mark you carry on your being, is no badge of honour, no guarantee of everlasting devotion...its merely a mark of what you as a human being had given up wilfully. The physical scars often hurt...even years after they have been bestowed upon you...and the pain then seeps through your being, especially so in those dark moments when the embers are burning through the palm of your hand. You tend to give not because it is your damned duty to or that you were expected to...but because you chose to do it this way...again the damn faith :)....until the embers begin to hurt...so much that you jerk away your hand and run to find what truly belongs to you...your soul, your own spirit.

That's a dark journey for there is no illuminati there to guide you through that path, no super heroes there protecting you, saving you, often times even from your self...its a lonely journey. But somewhere deep down in your heart you know you have the strength to take it on...