raat ka safar

kal raat chaand ko dekha tha
kabhi meri chhat pe
kabhi meri munder pe aa baithta tha
kabhi kissi aur ki...

athkeliyan kar raha tha
yaa phir dhund raha tha kissi ko...
adhoora sa

dheere se ufuk par laal roshni si chaa gayi
chupke se sooraj nikla aur
woh chaand usme saman gaya

har taraf ek garm...narm si dhoop khil uthi
sunehri chaadar si orh li
is duniya nein

raat ka safar poora ho gaya
woh chaand chup chaap sunehre sooraj ke gode mein saman gaya
raat ka safar poora hua...

yeh khamoshi

Ek afsaana
khamoshi ka libaas pehne
mere dil se tere dil tak, ek pul bana gaya
shaayad ik bhatki hui kashti ko
manjhi kinaara dikhaa gaya

Aaj phir

Aaj phir ek kooh suni maine
ek afsaana mohabbat ka
mere kaanon mein jhoomta aaya
phir se urh kar meri chiriya mujhe geet sunaane aayi

Jaane kahan se urhkar aa jaati hai har baar
jab bhi tanha hoti hun
murh kar dekhti hun
isko apne kareeb paati hun

Haule se mere haath ko thaam kar
isne mujhe
jeene ka raasta dikhlaaya
dheere dheere mere bikhre baalon ko sanwaara
barhi shiddat se mujhe chooma
aur mere har aansoo ko
apni chonch mein bhar kar
aise pee liya, jaise
sooraj ke aane par pighalti shabnam

Jab bhi mere chehre pe shikan parhti hai
yeh chiriya mere kaandhe par aa baithti hai
mujhse meethi meethi baatein karti hai
apne narm pankhon se mere gaalon ko sehlaati hai
mere hothon ko, hansne ka gur,
ek baar phir yaad dilaati hai

Aaj phir ek bhoola hua geet
mere kaanon mein jhoomta aaya
aaj phir apne kaandhe pe baithe
is chiriya ko maine paaya....

nanhi si chiriya

Khud se khafa the hum
Zamaane se the bezaar
Jab hans kar kisi ne mera naam pukaar liya
Chupke se daaman kheencha
Aur pyaar se haath thaam liya

In raaston mein jahaan saaya bhi saath chod deta hai
Ek humsafar jo chup chaap mere saath chalta hai
Mujhse kuch bhi nahin maanga usne
Shaayad kuch tha hi nahin dene ko,
yeh ehsaas tha usse
Bas khamoshi se mere saath ho liya
Chupke se mera daaman kheencha
Aur pyaar se haath thaam liya.

Ek thandi hawaa ke jhonke ke saath
Ek naye khilte phool ki khushboo aayi
Saawan mein pehli boond,
jhoomte garajte baadal nein barsaayi
Ek nanhi si chiriya…kahin se daana chug kar laayi
Mujhe diya…aur kaha…chalo baant lete hain is daane ko
Kayi din se bhookhi ho tum…
muddat hui ,maine bhi kissi ke saath daana nahin baanta

Aur maddham si awaaz mein ek nanha sa geet gungunaya usne
Haule se mera naam pukaara usne
Chupke se daaman kheencha
Aur pyaar se haath thaam liya

Jaane kahan se, ek nanhi si chiriya mere dil mein aayi…

Spirit i'm kindered to

they tell me that i'm wrong
by standards they set themselves
they tell me i'm vicious and they tell me i need to be strong
they tell me i need to hold onto the values that i brought along

they tell me how to live each day
and they tell me, that for a sinner, im easy prey

i've heard them talk all my life
and still i ne'r did refrain
from doing the one best thing i knew
- living for those that i choose
people, work, values and more.....


i have lived my life with the desire to be just me
to the perfected core
regardless of their ire
i've lived it to be human that the Creator meant me to be
i've lived to not hear them speak
but to create a verse of my own....

for long now i have lived so quiet
i gave in to feel i need to try
for i believed in the hope that someday they'll know
i lived in the hope that soon they'll figure it out.

today, as i bask in the glory of the shining sun
and as i walk thru the pelting rain
i feel the power of the winds that can blow away
i feel the power of the sun to annihilate
and the rain to wash away...

that's the power i feel under the skin
that's the fire that burns thru my soul
the power that holds me within
that's the spirit i'm kindered to...

for thats the only spirit i would graciously,
surrender to.

i am blessed

at times i feel like removing some of my earlier posts here...for they are no longer relevant to me today...but then its also nice to note how my mind has evolved...and how what i once thought impossible is not just possible but i find myself thanking God that it did become possible :-).

strange are the ways our mind works...but its a good feeling...to know you've been blessed !!

Why would you do this?

Yeah I know now how, in my psyche, I gauge whether or not I am precious to someone I love, and to what extent…or maybe that’s a mechanism I have found that works for me but this also got me thinking about the fact that if I am, as a woman so precious to the one I love then how or why would he hurt me?

Being women we often give so much of ourselves without really calculating the extent of our giving that we oftentimes do not see that what we are giving is not just love…we are giving away our own self…piece by piece... A woman who knows no other way of living but this…she walks this earth for the man she loves…that woman is at times physically beaten up and brutally so by the very same man…and still she goes on loving him…is she stupid or is something else at play here, I think I’ll figure out later…but the one question that’s nagging me is what makes a man do that?

Sensible, intelligent, educated and worldly wise men, corporate successful guys…go home, get drunk and beat up their wives. At times they beat up their wives even without an excuse of having had alcohol. Some of these men, young, outgoing…who know their way around the social and the corporate world…abuse their girlfriends. At times physically and other times emotionally. What makes a man do that?

I am no authority on male psychology or psychology per se that I can figure it out by analyzing a few sample cases. The way I see it, is that a man who can fall to the levels of degrading his woman to this extent has of course taken some form of a beating in the world outside the realm of his own home…a man so possessed by self degrading complexes that he knows only one way of proving to himself that he is worth a lot more than the world gives him credit for, and that way is by showing his power over another human being. Who better than the one woman who is more than willing to give up her entire life to be with him? Who better than the woman who lives every moment of her life to make him happy…she cooks the food he likes, wears the clothes he likes, listens to the music he likes, meets the people he likes, reads the books he recommends, loves his parents as her own…socializes with his friends for he likes it…(what happened to her friends, her family?)…well, obviously she best qualifies for the benign gift!!!

They may have dual or multi personality disorders…but such men who on the face of it appear so calm, so gentle…at times can have such animals hidden inside of them, animals that surface in their weakest of moments. Moments when they are actually deluding themselves of being powerful…of having the power to rule the world…no one…absolutely no one can question their authority…that’s when they turn into brutal woman beating animals.

Some people I have noticed need to make all others around them appear small in order to feel bigger themselves …be it at work or in a social set up…those people resort to this form of dominion also…for they feel the woman will “understand” especially for after such an episode the very same man goes begging forgiveness of her…and yeah, she does forgive him. In fact for a period of time, at times this period lasts a lifetime, at others a few years (if she’s lucky) she even makes excuses for his behavior…not just to the world, provided it gets to know, but even to herself…until the day the scars appear to be ugly even to herself. That day she chooses to say her piece.

And on this day begins yet another episode of the story. To begin with, the man would often not believe that this is the same woman who he for all these years thought was ever understanding…one who would never realize how much and in what ways he’s abused her…a woman he thought did not even have a voice or if she did, she would never be able to raise it against him. And the moment he realizes she means what she’s saying, that this time round she’s genuinely hurting and this time round it’s not an emotional tantrum, his cries of helplessness and of needing her help and forgiveness begin. His tears that show how much he loves her, flow ever so profusely…as he tries to hold her hand but her fingers slip out of his grasp and quietly, she walks away.

If only he’d known earlier…the price, the loss…maybe he doesn’t care…maybe he does…