the tremors that silently...quietly keep peeping out from those hidden crevices of my heart and yeah the head...may never end up taking a definitive form or shape...but they're there all the time...that's what silent rumbling is meant to be...
Friday, November 20, 2009
my prayer
I walk through green fields with beautiful flowers, in the most amazing colors. They turn their heads up to smile at me as I glide past… The chirping birds carry the colors high into the horizon and sprinkle them into the skies and they all scramble to form the most beautiful rainbow I ever lay my eyes on. I reach out and hold it in my hands…until the soft whispering wind blows away the sparkling shining colors and sprinkles it all over the valley…the flowers bloom again…and I smile at them…I hear soft strains of music spreading through this valley…gentle strumming of a guitar and a voice singing… a language that I do not follow but understand… I hear the gurgle of children, the rustle of the leaves, the sound of bouncing balls and the cackle that follows…
I walk through the valley, slowly breathing in the fragrance of trees and birds and flowers as the sun warms my body and I feel the warmth holding me in its embrace…I reach the very top and look down at the hustle and bustle of a place that breathes…the city looks beautiful and the people so loving…laughing, playing, at places there’s smoke coming off a kitchen chimney…
The breeze ruffles my hair, the birds settle down around me, I kneel down and spread my arms wide open, i look up at the clear skies and thank the ever loving God…
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
aisa taana bun de koi
Aisa taana bun de koi
Kaprha itna buntaa jaaye
Har chauraahe pe palte
har bachche ko woh dhakta jaaye
Har ablaa ke daaman ko woh
Malmal kaa ehsaas dilaaye
Aisa taana bun de koi
Aaj lagtaa hai barsega baadal
Yun zor zor se garaj raha hai
Bhigo jaayega shehar ka daaman
Tapkegi chhat bhi iss baar
Daaman ko paiband lagaa tha
Chhat ko tukrha taank de koi
Aisa taana bun de koi
Ek julaaha dhoondh rahi hun
Bhool bhulaiyya banaa hai ghar bhi
kitne andhe ho gaye raste
Kahan se niklega ab sooraj
Uska rastaa banaa de koi
Kho gayi hai ab kehkashaan bhi
Taaron ki chamak dhundhli si hai
Raat ko rastaa dikha de koi
Aisa taana bun de koi
Bas ek julaaha dhoondh rahi hun.
Ghar mein chulhe ki garmi ho
Roti dal ki bikhri ho khushboo
Har aangan mein dhoop khili ho
Aankhon mein ek khwaab chamakta
Parhne jaayegi bachchi bhi ab
Ik baar yakin dila de koi
Aisa taana bun de koi
Bas ek julaaha dhoond rahi hun…
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
ek naya khel
Raat aur din ke katghare se
Kaaynaat ko baahar nikalen
Khuli hawaaon mein saans lene ki ijaazat de den
Phoolon ko bahaaron ka ab intezaar naa ho
Khizaaon ko khushbuon se mehkaayen
Nadiyon ke paani ko
Garmi ke sookhe mein , ab lehraane den
Aao,aaj ek naya khel khelen
Sooraj ko chand taaron ke aangan mein
Aaj chod den
Uski roshni ko behijaab,
taaron mein baant den
Ufuk ko din – o – raat ki
aaj koi bandhish naa lagaayen
Kaus-e-kuzaah ko saawan ki dor se
aaj azad kar den
Chalo, hum tum aaj ek naya khel khelen
falak
bikhre phoolon ko sameta usne
khoye hue alfaazon ko nazmon mein piroyaa
hathon mein hina ki laali sajaayee
benoor aankhon ko
khwaab dekhne ka hunar phir sikhaaya usne
meri tasveeron mein rang bharaa
mere ashkon ko, motiyon sa
apne dil ke taaron mein piroyaa
mere kaanpte badan ko
ek sunehri chadar urhaayi
aur haule se mujhe awaaz di...
...falak...
Friday, October 9, 2009
baghbaan
sannate bhare aankhon mein
woh takta raha
girte hue patton ko
phoolon ko chod jaate hue rangon ko
haath barhaata to rok sakta tha
urh ke jaate hue parindon ko
magar woh khamosh sa kharha
unhen takta hi raha
shahar ka shor-o-gul
gum ho chala tha
sooraj ki roshni bhi
madham si ho rahi thi
phool patton ki cheekhen
parindon ki pukaarti aahen
uske dil ko tatolti rahin
magar woh khaamosh sa kharha
unhen takta hi raha
shaayad sannata kahin
uski rooh mein utar gaya
woh baghbaan khud hi
aaj murjha saa gaya
Saturday, October 3, 2009
ek khayal
Meri tasveeron mein kabhi rang ban kar ubharta hai
Kabhi mere geeton mein alfaaz ban jaata hai
Mere hothon par hansi ban khilta hai
Kabhi meri aankhon mein namin ban kar behne lagta hai
Phir sajde mein dua ban kar thehar jaata hai
Ek khayal jo har pal mere saath chalta hai
Meri zindagi mein mera kaam ban kar
Mere hathon mein lakiren ban kar dikhta hai
Woh khayal jo sahar hone par sooraj ki kirnon saa
Aur raat dhalne par chaand ki chandni saa chamakta hai
Ek khayal jo har pal mere saath chalta hai
Sarhak kinare bachche ki bolti aankhon se jhankta hai
Pattiyon ki sarsarahat ban kar kuch keh jaata hai
Phoolon mein khushboo ban kar
Berang raaston ko mehkaata hai
Ek khayaal jo har pal mere saath chalta hai…
Saturday, September 19, 2009
raat ka safar
kabhi meri chhat pe
kabhi meri munder pe aa baithta tha
kabhi kissi aur ki...
athkeliyan kar raha tha
yaa phir dhund raha tha kissi ko...
adhoora sa
dheere se ufuk par laal roshni si chaa gayi
chupke se sooraj nikla aur
woh chaand usme saman gaya
har taraf ek garm...narm si dhoop khil uthi
sunehri chaadar si orh li
is duniya nein
raat ka safar poora ho gaya
woh chaand chup chaap sunehre sooraj ke gode mein saman gaya
raat ka safar poora hua...
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
yeh khamoshi
khamoshi ka libaas pehne
mere dil se tere dil tak, ek pul bana gaya
shaayad ik bhatki hui kashti ko
manjhi kinaara dikhaa gaya
Aaj phir
ek afsaana mohabbat ka
mere kaanon mein jhoomta aaya
phir se urh kar meri chiriya mujhe geet sunaane aayi
Jaane kahan se urhkar aa jaati hai har baar
jab bhi tanha hoti hun
murh kar dekhti hun
isko apne kareeb paati hun
Haule se mere haath ko thaam kar
isne mujhe
jeene ka raasta dikhlaaya
dheere dheere mere bikhre baalon ko sanwaara
barhi shiddat se mujhe chooma
aur mere har aansoo ko
apni chonch mein bhar kar
aise pee liya, jaise
sooraj ke aane par pighalti shabnam
Jab bhi mere chehre pe shikan parhti hai
yeh chiriya mere kaandhe par aa baithti hai
mujhse meethi meethi baatein karti hai
apne narm pankhon se mere gaalon ko sehlaati hai
mere hothon ko, hansne ka gur,
ek baar phir yaad dilaati hai
Aaj phir ek bhoola hua geet
mere kaanon mein jhoomta aaya
aaj phir apne kaandhe pe baithe
is chiriya ko maine paaya....
Monday, September 14, 2009
nanhi si chiriya
Zamaane se the bezaar
Jab hans kar kisi ne mera naam pukaar liya
Chupke se daaman kheencha
Aur pyaar se haath thaam liya
In raaston mein jahaan saaya bhi saath chod deta hai
Ek humsafar jo chup chaap mere saath chalta hai
Mujhse kuch bhi nahin maanga usne
Shaayad kuch tha hi nahin dene ko,
yeh ehsaas tha usse
Bas khamoshi se mere saath ho liya
Chupke se mera daaman kheencha
Aur pyaar se haath thaam liya.
Ek thandi hawaa ke jhonke ke saath
Ek naye khilte phool ki khushboo aayi
Saawan mein pehli boond,
jhoomte garajte baadal nein barsaayi
Ek nanhi si chiriya…kahin se daana chug kar laayi
Mujhe diya…aur kaha…chalo baant lete hain is daane ko
Kayi din se bhookhi ho tum…
muddat hui ,maine bhi kissi ke saath daana nahin baanta
Aur maddham si awaaz mein ek nanha sa geet gungunaya usne
Haule se mera naam pukaara usne
Chupke se daaman kheencha
Aur pyaar se haath thaam liya
Jaane kahan se, ek nanhi si chiriya mere dil mein aayi…
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Spirit i'm kindered to
by standards they set themselves
they tell me i'm vicious and they tell me i need to be strong
they tell me i need to hold onto the values that i brought along
they tell me how to live each day
and they tell me, that for a sinner, im easy prey
i've heard them talk all my life
and still i ne'r did refrain
from doing the one best thing i knew
- living for those that i choose
people, work, values and more.....
i have lived my life with the desire to be just me
to the perfected core
regardless of their ire
i've lived it to be human that the Creator meant me to be
i've lived to not hear them speak
but to create a verse of my own....
for long now i have lived so quiet
i gave in to feel i need to try
for i believed in the hope that someday they'll know
i lived in the hope that soon they'll figure it out.
today, as i bask in the glory of the shining sun
and as i walk thru the pelting rain
i feel the power of the winds that can blow away
i feel the power of the sun to annihilate
and the rain to wash away...
that's the power i feel under the skin
that's the fire that burns thru my soul
the power that holds me within
that's the spirit i'm kindered to...
for thats the only spirit i would graciously,
surrender to.
Friday, September 11, 2009
i am blessed
strange are the ways our mind works...but its a good feeling...to know you've been blessed !!
Why would you do this?
Being women we often give so much of ourselves without really calculating the extent of our giving that we oftentimes do not see that what we are giving is not just love…we are giving away our own self…piece by piece... A woman who knows no other way of living but this…she walks this earth for the man she loves…that woman is at times physically beaten up and brutally so by the very same man…and still she goes on loving him…is she stupid or is something else at play here, I think I’ll figure out later…but the one question that’s nagging me is what makes a man do that?
Sensible, intelligent, educated and worldly wise men, corporate successful guys…go home, get drunk and beat up their wives. At times they beat up their wives even without an excuse of having had alcohol. Some of these men, young, outgoing…who know their way around the social and the corporate world…abuse their girlfriends. At times physically and other times emotionally. What makes a man do that?
I am no authority on male psychology or psychology per se that I can figure it out by analyzing a few sample cases. The way I see it, is that a man who can fall to the levels of degrading his woman to this extent has of course taken some form of a beating in the world outside the realm of his own home…a man so possessed by self degrading complexes that he knows only one way of proving to himself that he is worth a lot more than the world gives him credit for, and that way is by showing his power over another human being. Who better than the one woman who is more than willing to give up her entire life to be with him? Who better than the woman who lives every moment of her life to make him happy…she cooks the food he likes, wears the clothes he likes, listens to the music he likes, meets the people he likes, reads the books he recommends, loves his parents as her own…socializes with his friends for he likes it…(what happened to her friends, her family?)…well, obviously she best qualifies for the benign gift!!!
They may have dual or multi personality disorders…but such men who on the face of it appear so calm, so gentle…at times can have such animals hidden inside of them, animals that surface in their weakest of moments. Moments when they are actually deluding themselves of being powerful…of having the power to rule the world…no one…absolutely no one can question their authority…that’s when they turn into brutal woman beating animals.
Some people I have noticed need to make all others around them appear small in order to feel bigger themselves …be it at work or in a social set up…those people resort to this form of dominion also…for they feel the woman will “understand” especially for after such an episode the very same man goes begging forgiveness of her…and yeah, she does forgive him. In fact for a period of time, at times this period lasts a lifetime, at others a few years (if she’s lucky) she even makes excuses for his behavior…not just to the world, provided it gets to know, but even to herself…until the day the scars appear to be ugly even to herself. That day she chooses to say her piece.
And on this day begins yet another episode of the story. To begin with, the man would often not believe that this is the same woman who he for all these years thought was ever understanding…one who would never realize how much and in what ways he’s abused her…a woman he thought did not even have a voice or if she did, she would never be able to raise it against him. And the moment he realizes she means what she’s saying, that this time round she’s genuinely hurting and this time round it’s not an emotional tantrum, his cries of helplessness and of needing her help and forgiveness begin. His tears that show how much he loves her, flow ever so profusely…as he tries to hold her hand but her fingers slip out of his grasp and quietly, she walks away.
If only he’d known earlier…the price, the loss…maybe he doesn’t care…maybe he does…
Sunday, August 30, 2009
a flirty little song
Can i paint you a picture
Can i hold your hand and take you on a journey
And take both our dreams along?
For all i see around me here is broken hearts
and shattered lives
I no longer wish to hide
I wanna go for this ride
Can i hold your hand take you along?
I feel the warmth of the sun on my face
And yeah, i smell the earth that's bathing in the rain
I can touch the rainbow and hold it in my hand
as i turn to see you smile
i wanna go for this ride...
Can i write you a song my love
and paint your world in hues that shine
Can i whisper your name so it wakes you up
In the dead of the night
Can i turn into soft breeze that blows over your window
Can i turn into the moonlight that peeps into your room
Can i turn into the little bird that twitters each morning on your ledge
or maybe i could warm your face
as the sun shine through your curtain every morn
Can i hold your weary head in my arms
Can i offer a home to the gypsy in your soul?
No, i no longer want to hide
I so wanna go for this ride
Can i paint you a picture...can i write you a song????
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
How precious am I?
Remember how carefully locked away you keep that one rock of a diamond that you saved up all your life to buy? Or that gadget that you bought online after very careful consideration or that camera that you asked a million friends, even posted a query on facebook to check if you’re buying the right thing…and that crystal that you never let your nails touch for fear of scratching it? You carefully wipe the dust off the crystal and enjoy the light shining through it in all its multi colored hues…this makes you smile to yourself…and if you’ve been blessed…when you held your new born for the first time and each time you hold her…you hold her ever so gently. And, your heart skips a beat when someone asks to hold her while you finish up your chores…you wrap her up in the softest of sheets so her skin does not touch anything any less…you hold her so gently…warm in your arms…you run your fingers on her soft body as she gurgles…as you massage her soft skin with the most gentle of oils off the market shelf…that’s the memory that becomes a part of your soul...
And then you go through life with its many twists and turns…relationships, bitter - sweet, memories that make you cry…make you smile…and every time your life takes a turn, the question how precious am i?
If you value a crystal, a book that’s a classic or a painting that you created years ago with such care then how can you treat your love otherwise? If you’ve gone through life looking for that one soul that’s part of your being and the one person whose memory makes you smile at how she does the little things that she knows would make you happy…if all she wants is to be in your arms…is not looking for any tall promises…not looking for any big dreams…when all her world is right there in your arms…the moment you walk into her home her life…it’s almost as her world shrinks into that tiny little cottage…then how can you treat her otherwise? Why wouldn’t you hold her gently in your arms and want to protect her from the dust and the grime? Why wouldn’t you love her like she is the most precious thing on this earth to you? Would you ever in your worst moments be able to damage her being, be it physically or emotionally? Wouldn’t you do all in your power to preserve that spirit that makes yours soar? Wouldn’t you hold her and touch her ever so gently so her skin doesn’t get scathed? Wouldn’t you run your hands on her body with as much reverence as you feel when you’re standing in the rain getting cleansed and your soul released…as you see the tiny droplets of dew slipping off a new born leaf?
That’s the only way I know how precious I am to the one soul that I belong to…emotionally and physically…when I feel preserved and protected…when I am not scared of a scar that will keep haunting me for the rest of my life…that’s how precious I am…that’s how I know...the difference.
Friday, August 21, 2009
Rage is Creative
Rage against whatever I saw around me…rage against the people who decided they knew how to run my life better than I did…rage that ran so deep in my soul that it was perhaps somewhere digging in my own spirit, my own thoughts and feelings.
Today however I have come to a point where I realize that rage is one of the most precious and the most misunderstood emotions that I could ever feel…it’s important to be able to feel strongly about certain things in life…to be able to do something about them…and this too, is an extremely logical step by step process wherein we can actually utilize this rage and turn it into a creative process…
Rage is creative. However, before it can create, we have to learn to forego which we do, when we learn to acknowledge that which makes us so angry and let it go…then forgive those elements and people. Forgiveness itself is a cleansing experience…it releases energies that are softening…humbling and it is after forgiveness we find that the rage that was uptil then burning up our soul, is actually creative.
I believe that our masterpieces are created out of the darkest moments of our lives. And they thence turn the misery of those moments into bitter sweet yet treasured memories. The poetry and the painting or the music that erupts from the soul in such times, lends itself into renditions that are heart wrenching ….renditions that tear open our soul to create…for it is important to bare the soul to be able to create and these creations are priceless.
Rage, I have learnt is the one emotion that does not lie provided we have the courage to acknowledge it for what it is...
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Time passes
You awaken to catch the sparkling sunshine of your soul…the smile that lay buried in your heart and you catch the quiet strings of music…almost like a lover’s finger tips playing on your body…the chords that were so quiet now play a melody…the birds that were silent, now suddenly sing and yeah they flutter their wings to fly…the person in the mirror seems beautiful…your soul now aches for release…and the pain, the exhaustion is no longer harsh…its soft and tender…it’s bliss…
Time does pass. Pain does not last forever...
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
gumnaam rishta
teri khushboo se aaj khud ko phir khelta paaya humne
yeh iptida hai ya phir intehaa hogi
khuda jaane kab dil ki tanhaiyon mein phir mulaqat hogi.
tum aabad ho…shukr khuda ka
kissi roz mujh par bhi to us khuda ki inaayat hogi
yakeen ho chala hai taqdeer par humein
ab dekhen kahan kiss morh par khadi qayanat hogi…
gumnaam hi reh jaayen to acha hai, yeh khwaab
naamon mein meri jaan waise bhi kya rakha hai
pehchaan gar dilon se ho to shaayad jee jaaye, is zamane mein
naamon se jo pehchaan ho
uski waise bhi kya umr, kya bisaat hogi…
Monday, June 22, 2009
yeh khwaab
Hothon par hansi bhi rukne nahi aati
Lafz, jo zaban par aa aakar laut jaate hain
Khud ko yun jeene ka andaaz sikha rahi hun main
Mohabbatein hai, jo dil mein dafn hai
Aansoon hain jo ab palkon ko bhigote nahin
Haath kisi ke thaam kar jeene ki tammanna thi ab tak
Khud ko ab akele chalne ka andaz sikha rahi hun main
Tujhe chaah kar bhi kabhi apna nahin sakti hun main
Khud se khafa hun
Ya phir tumse bezaar
Phir bhi tere khwaab ko dil mein chupaye
Zindagi ko muskuraane ka andaz sikha rahi hun main
Jab aankhon mein chubhne lage khwaab bhi dil ke
Khud ko yun jeene ka andaz sikha rahi hun main
Bazaar
Kahin bikti hogi hansi, la do
dil ka sukoon shaayad mil jaaye, woh la do
meri aankhon ki roshni kho gayi mujhse, woh la do
uska pyaar bhi suna hai, aaj neelam ho raha hai
ho sake to mutthi bhar
mere dost, mere liye woh la do...
Angels of Evolution
Somehow, it made sense to me…for it re assured me of one fact…that everything in our lives, especially the tough and the bad…the harsh and the cruel only makes us better as a human being…we grow…we evolve…we learn…to live…better. Yeah it would be inhuman to say or even think that when your heart breaks you don’t hurt…you do…we all do…and it hurts like hell….you are in a state where nothing and no one makes sense. How you go about it, is to me a process…a technique. Initially, you cry, you’re angry, you’re full of self pity and worse you are filled with self doubts…until you realize that life has to move on…and you have no option but to do that…move on. Its then that I find my technique working…like in a training programme…you at first put all the sad thoughts aside…you cannot delete them or so I feel…you barely manage to put them aside and replace them with more positive ones…then it becomes a programmed response and someday, it doesn’t matter anymore… for nothing and no one is irreplaceable…everybody is…and once that happens, you somehow know that you have moved on and you are a much better much stronger person…
Through this journey what you fight is bitterness, cynicism, self pity, self doubt and so much more that’s painful…but all these incidents are painful but they are in the truest form…Angels of Evolution…ours…our physical, mental and most importantly emotional. They teach us the process of growth…beyond what we consider love, beyond the feeling that something or someone is so much more important to us than everything else including our own aspirations our own soul.
These unknown, unexpected and painful beings or spirits are not mere accidents of fate or destiny. They are truly our own Angels of evolution. Someday when the darkness is gone, we see it…until then...its mere angst...
Monday, June 8, 2009
burn marks or a badge of honour
Sunday, June 7, 2009
awareness of self... a journey
It is then that begins another journey…which is often times much tougher…a journey of self discovery.
A woman goes through so many different stages of not simply growth but of evolution until she finally faces herself in the mirror and then she begins to question all that she had held sacred until then including her very own existence and the purpose thereof.
By nature, by providence, a woman can feel everything , in the deep recesses of her being…perhaps the folklore that woman or the wild woman spirit, was created or crafted from the skin of the sole of the feet of the all - knowing, is true…for the sole of ones foot is supposedly powered to feel everything it touches or that touches it. Perhaps…or maybe the Almighty, the mother creator desired to create a living being on this earth that could feel and that might in return help preserve.
Friday, June 5, 2009
ek naya silsila
Chalo aaj ek nayaa silsila shuru kiya jaaye
jise dekh kar saans chalti hai aaj bhi
chalo usse dil se bhulaane ki koshish ki jaaye
jo aaj bhi sajaata hai mere sapnon ko
uss khwaab ko aaj mitaane ka samaan kiyaa jaaye
chalo aaj ek nayaa silsila shuru kiyaa jaye.
Manzilen aaj bhi dhundhli hain
raaste aaj bhi sabhi uss dar pe ruk jaate hain
chalo in raaston ko ek naya morh diyaa jaaye
chalo aaj ek nayaa silsila shuru kiyaa jaye
Har sahar har shaam ki mehakti khushbu mein
aaj bhi shaamil hai mohabbat ki woh tarhap
saawan ki boondon mein in ashkon ko milaane ki koshish ki jaaye
chalo aaj ek nayaa silsila shuru kiyaa jaaye
Kahin door ufuk par dhalte sooraj ko samjhaya jaaye
aasmanon mein urhte panchiyon se kahaa jaaye
uss dar par koyee nishaan mere saaye ka na chodh jaaye
chalo aaj ek nayaa silsila shuru kiya jaaye
Is bheerh mein gum insaanon ko dhoonda jaaye
aaj phir mohabbat mein vishwaas dilaaya jaaye
aaj phir woh geet ishq ki galiyon mein gungunaaya jaaye
chalo aaj phir ek nayaa silsila shuru kiyaa jaaye
Aaj bhi meri saanson mein ghuli hai jiss ki chaahat ki kashish
ab uss gumnaam saaye se haath churaya jaaye
ab bhi aayeene mein dikhta hai woh chehra mujhe
aaj uss aayeene ko paani se dhulaaya jaaye
khud se aaj chalo khud hi ko ik baar milaaya jaaye
apne chehre ki lakeeron mein apni zindagi ko tarasha jaaye
chalo aaj ek nayaa silsila shuru kiyaa jaaye...